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Talking About Safe Sex With a New Partner

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Updated February 03, 2014

Talking About Safe Sex With a New Partner
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Before you start having sex with a new partner, there are so many things to talk about: sex safety, std testing, condom use, whether you want to use condoms for oral sex, and more. It can be difficult to figure out how to start that conversation. Here is one way such a talk could go:

Picture a couple kissing each other passionately. One member breaks away to say:

"Before we go any farther we should talk about safe sex."

"Do we have to?"

"We don't have to have the talk tonight, but we do have to have it before we go much farther than kissing... something that I definitely want to do."

"Okay. Hit me."

"The last time I was screened for sexually transmitted diseases was about 4 months ago. At that time I was negative for chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV, and herpes. I have had one sexual partner since then, but he had also recently tested negative for all of those things. Right now I'm not sleeping with anyone else

"Okay..."

"When was your last test?"

"Um, I don't know. It's been a couple of years. I'm not sleeping with anyone else at the moment either."

"Well then, before we actually have sex, I'd really appreciate it if you could update your tests. It's probably covered by your insurance, but if not you can get tested for a very low cost at Planned Parenthood or the local STD clinic"

"That seems fair."

"I also want to mention up front that I believe in using condoms for intercourse, but I also always use condoms or other barriers for oral sex"

"Really? Why?"

"Lots of STDs can be spread by oral sex. It seems better to be safe than to be sorry."

"I've never done that before, doesn't that take away a lot of the fun?"

"Not that I've noticed. For me, at least, it simply makes it something I can be even more enthusiastic about, because I'm not worried about safety. I'll show you"

They start kissing again in earnest

"I'll show you LATER. After you've gotten tested. Then we can practice."

"I've heard it makes perfect."

"Even if it doesn't... I'll bring the condoms."

"I can't wait."

"You don't have to go anywhere yet. This doesn't mean we have to stop fooling around..."

"I knew I liked you for a reason."

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  3. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
  4. Sex Tips
  5. How To Talk About Sex Safety With a New Partner

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