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Readers Respond: Living With Herpes

Responses: 905

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Updated November 26, 2011

husband does not believe me

i have been married for 25 years and faithful. i went to a clinic bc i had itching in my genitals. she took one look & said "hsv2". i told my husband, who was very supportive. this support sustained me thru the episode. i was inconsolable. we each went to family drs. mine was shocked i was diagnosed w/o testing. she swabbed me & it came back hsv1. my husbands dr told him, "you are clean, she cheated." my husband & i talked, he believed i never cheated & supported me fully. i went further to my gyno, she said a cold sore & oral sex could result in hsv. my husband battles cold sores to this day. my husbands dr said "no way". months later, during an argument, he threw in my face the epidsode & said he never believed me saying i was faithful to him! i thought i was going to faint! i felt so betrayed. it stands between us today. my husband wants proof cold sores & oral sex may result in hsv1. i have not shown him this site. what is the use? if he does not believe me, this marriage is over. ***From Your Guide: There are research papers aplenty showing that cold sores can lead to genital herpes - and that cold sores are caused by HSV1. If you decide you want copies of them to show your husband (and his poorly educated and incorrect doctor) please feel free to e-mail me directly.***
—oncelittle

Devastated, Confused, Depressed

Sigh, I am 19 years old and I just found out that I had herpes. Crying doesn't help I did too much of that, there is no one I can talk to, people today are too judgemental and trustworthyness is not one of their qualities. I cant talk to my family, my friends or anyone at my church, I just need someone to talk to, someone to eexplian this to me, someone to tell me its ok and that its not the end of the world. i have so many questions that the internet cannot answer. Will I be able to get a job in the hospital? Will i still be able to get enrolled in medical school? How different will my life be? After my diagnosis lastweek i told my bf about it, we dont really know what to say to each other so I told him to get tested. His results arent back as yet so we are still waiting. Hopefully I will be able to get some light on my questions and concerns.
—devastated.29

Fer life yeah rite

Herpes for life in it for the long run. Don't be ashamed of something you had no control. Still feel beautiful dont let it run your life. Been living with this dreaded curse for 2 yrs now. I've had few out breaks first one was the worst by far. Pain sucks yes but there's solutions to manage it. Several doctors told me " my case was the worst they have ever seen" but I kept my head up. I got herpes simplex 2 from herpes simplex 1. Didn't know that was possible till three days later an boom out break . What I can tell you not to use is baking soda. Doesn't work an it hurts! Aloe Vera is my savior... Love your self - in it to win it
—Guest Melinda

Found out I have H about a half year ago

This is a very saddening news to me as I am quite a perfectionist. This H1 & 2 have totally ruined my perception towards life. I try to stay away from my family members and friends. I am afraid that I will spread it to them. I feel so dirty even though doctors told me not to worry too much about it. I have been reading about it almost every night. I have become a not-so-talkative person to a totally quiet person. My life has changed so much. I don't know how to continue my life. I don't want to die with it. I want a cure. Please. I am still young. I still want to get married. Why did this happen to me? Maybe I should have stayed abstinent. Life is so hard with H. Fk it.
—Guest Hate

never give up

I cought herpes when i was raped at 13 years of age i have been living with this for almost 11 years now. when i started the meds they helped rite away now it feel like i don't even have it. still using protection but keeping stress free helps a lot also a little advice cooling pads help for the burning have faith because god is good and im happy because it made me into the woman i am today married 8 yrs now and a beautiful baby girl never give up god bless
—Guest SAD BUT HAPPY

such negativity

I didn't realize there were so many negative people in this world. It seems nearly all these repsonses want to "blame" everyone but themselves. I have had herpes for over 30 years and my life has not been "ruined" one single bit. Sure its hard to tell a partner, but if they choose not to be with you then you didn't need them in your life. I what I also see here is that so many people think the one they got it from always knew...if you do your research you will see that nearly 1 in 4 people have HSV2 and then a large marjority of them are asymptomatic (have never had a ob) and never knew they even had the disease. And a Herpes test is NOT part of standard STD testing because it so common of a virus. If you want to avoid this virus then never have sex without a condom and both you and your partner should asked to be tested for herpes once a year. Take responsiblity for yourself and quit thinking its the end of your life. Cancer or HIV is far worse.
—Guest guest

so alone

I havent been positively tested but all the embarassing symptoms are there. I was tested right before I started sleeping with this guy and now 2 weeks later I have this! I talked to him about it yesterday when the symptoms started and now today he woke up with all the symptoms. He has never been tested but his ex girlfriend was with a negative but lets face it she isnt telling him something. We are both being tested this week but this unbearable pain and embarrassment is leaving us both feeling alone. We dont feel like talking to anyone and are only talking about this with eachother. We arent in a serious relationship yet but it seems like it could eventually be something I mean we are both dealing with one of the hardest things ever and we did it to eachother.
—Guest skibum35

Finally, I realize its not the end.

I went to the ob-gyn just to be tested for a std. I'm 17 years old and I have had 3 partners prior to being told I had herpes. Now I have 4. I met this really sweet dude a long time ago and we recently started talking about a month ago and we finally hung out Friday. Well Saturday I ended up sleeping with him. I fell for him even more, he is the sweetest most perfect guy ever. Well today, is 5 days after we have been together and I got the phone call with those result..i tested positive for Genital Herpes. I've been crying and broke down and feeling like I wanna just die all day. I call my mother to tell her I have it and she says the sweetest things to encourage me that it will be okay, I think what hurts me most is how I'm gonna tell this amazing guy what I have did. I honestly had no intentions that I would really have a STD and now I don't wanna loose him.
—Guest It's not the end!

Wasn't thinking

I just recently got a divorce from my husband who admitted to cheating on me. I'm stationed overseas and met a very nice guy here, who completely treats me the way that I need to be treated. I got diagnosed with HSV 1 two years and ago and I have about 4 outbreaks a year. I recently had an outbreak and caught up in the moment the guy I'm dating went down on me. Now I never came out and told him that I had cold sores but you could see it but maybe he didn't figure it out. Anywho he gave me oral sex and two days later I had the worst itching and burning on vagina. I figure it was a yeast infection but deep down I had a feeling that it was herpes. Sure enough I started seeing blisters. I go to the doctor and I'm constantly praying it's not herpes. It took the doctor about a minute to realize that it was herpes. I broke down in tears thinking my life has been ruined. I have yet to tell my bf and am wicked scared to tell him. But eventually I will have to tell him.
—Guest bb33

He accepts me for who I am

I was infected w herpes last May of 2012. I had broken up with my ex and started seeing other people. Then on day I decided to get back with my ex. We unprotected sex, and even though he claims he does not have herpes, I still think he have it to me. As time went on, I realized that my ex was not the right person for me, so I broke up with him. I had been very afraid to start dating again and to feel rejected. So I would date, but would never even think about having sex. I finally met someone about two months ago and I was ready for the next step. However, I didn't wanna have sex with him without first letting him know about my condition. So I spoke to him last Friday. He is 39, divorced, and has 2 kids. I was in shock when he said that everybody has something...that he has 2 kids and that he hopes that won't stop me from dating him. That he really likes me and he knows that as long as we protect ourselves, we should be fine! :) the right person will accept you for who you are!
—Guest Guest

worried

I'm 20 years old now & contracted GH when I was 19 but never knew it ... It was passed on from a childhood guy I grew up with and even with me telling him & trying to talk about it , he's still very much in denial ! Its hard for me to deal with because I feel like my love life will NEVER be the same .. I'm bisexual as well & the thought of me dating another girl just kills me every time .. One min i'm fine then the next i'm miserable , I understand that God doesn't make any mistakes but at time I wish this was one & he'll take it back but i'm this way forever :( I try to stay positive alot it makes my worries a little less , i'm currently going thru the WORST ob ever & don't have any meds to help , I sit in hot water & put powder in my undies to possibly help , its the stress I know but how can one not be stressfree knowing they have herpes ? I don't hate the guy but I wish I would've made a better decision & was more careful my life isn't over , its just starting over
—Guest confused

Just got the news

So today i went to the clinic to be tested because i had something going on that was extremely uncomfortable. And the moment my doctor saw it i broke down crying... I was good when i was younger and i have only had one partner, i love this man and he loves me. I couldn't understand how after 3 years i just now received it. But after speaking with my doctor and reading up i am ready to take it head on. I never though i would be one of those people with an std but i am lucky enough to have a support system with me. I broke down in the car on the way home when i told my boyfriend. He was so worried and upset because he knew he was probably the one who gave it to me because he was my first and only. But we have been faithful to each other and he says he still wants to marry me and have a family with me someday. I am just so very lucky to have a person my best friend and partner to care for me and look after me and still want to be with me. Its hard to realize but life will go on.
—Guest Teresa

So much regret...

i just found out yesterday i have herpes and it completely devastated me and how and why this happen to me!?!? i havent had an outbreak. i went to the doctor cause i thought my nose had something wrong and when they told me i was HSV-2 my world came crashing in! :( i have to tell these woman i have been with that i have herpes and its the worst feeling cause you not knowing or showing symptoms and then finding out makes you feel like the lowest person in the world. i plan to fight through it because i have a 5yr old son who means the world to me. I hope one day i can start the life with a woman who will except this and know the risk!?! After reading alot of these stores i can see and express the same pain... i hope life only gets better after this...
—Guest devastated

Scared painful

I am having a break out now very painful I havent got tested but did lots of research on gh. Im not sure how long I have had this but this is my 3rd breakout. My ex of 10yrs cheated on me often and now I have been in a relationship for almost 6 years and dont know hoe to tell my fiance...
—Guest Veronica

lost and confused...

last week I was diagnosed with HSV1. I have been with the same guy for the last 9 months and have had no symptoms prior to dating him... I had no idea that I had this virus as I always thought it was something that got tested during my annual exam with my Dr. It's so devastating because my boyfriend doesn't understand... he says he's tested negative (had blood test since I was diagnosed) and now he's not even sure whether or not he wants to be with me. I've never felt more alone in my life and, although reading these forums helps to give me hope that I will find someone who truly loves me and understands, I want HIM to be the one who loves me and understands. I have tried to explain that it's not as bad as society makes it out to be, my symptoms were no where near as bad as I expected herpes to be. He just thinks it's a big dirty STD. Before I was diagnosed we talked about how we were soul mates and meant to be, and now he wants to give everything up because of my disease. So confused
—Guest daisy

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