Readers Respond: Living With Herpes

Responses: 40

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he cheated

I dated someone for a very long time and he cheated on me without using protection. He know he had it and just never told me. Now i have to live with herpes and i am humiliated to try and date again. I don't want to be rejected as i am a great person with so much to offer. I have always been in monogamous relationships, well at least from my end and do not know how to approach the subject with my future partner. It caused me to loose self-esteem and i felt "dirty." It took me long tme to trust again and I know that there is someone out there who will love me for me and will accept that I have herpes and I can only stay positive that I will find love again

—Guest never new

Life is over

My ex-husband was a serial cheater. After the last time I decided to get checked. We had been together for 23 years (since I was 19) It turned out that he had given me Genital Herpes. Never had an outbreak (asymptomatic) Now I feel I can never date again because of what he did to me.

—Husbandcheated

Telling after sex

He was my kind of guy and I did not tell him until after we had sex. The sex moved quick in our relationship of four weeks. I didn't know him well enough to tell him, but I could sure enjoy the sex with him. He was so fun. Ironically the enjoyment turned to pain and loss of a possible friend. By now he has done his own research and is stunned by the pics and info on the internet. Although I take Valtrex daily, we did not use any condoms. I felt like everything was safe for him and now I feel like the scum of the earth. He has made it clear to me that we are done. This is exactly the type of response that causes people not to tell. I feel I failed, I let someone down, I couldn't of done anything worse than to have sex before telling. I should've given him the choice and at least we would be friends. I wish it wasn't so hard to tell your partner. The general public needs to be more educated on STD's.

—Guest gandalf

Didnt have sex

I got it when I was 16 from a guy pressuring me to have sex. With out a condom he just slighty touch the outside of my vagina before I puched him away and changed my mind. Two weeks later I had a horrible herpes out break. He didn't even knew he had it. sucked big time...I was devastated for a log time about it. Ten years later I only had three very mild outbreaks without medication (pills made it worse). It's not as bad as it seems really. Just learn to protect yourself ALWAYS. No matter who it is.

—Guest Cellest

18 with herpes

I was diagnosed with herpes a like 3 months after i had an abortion when i was 18. I was dating my bofriend at the time and it was the beginning of our new relationship (3 months). I sat in the doctors office and cried til my eyes burned, took a deep breathe, and called my ex-boyfriend and told him off. He denied ever having herpes but i had never cheated on him. My boyfriend at the time consoled me and told me that everything would be ok and that he would stay with me and love me no less but i felt like my whole world was over. Now i'm 21 and the outbreaks are very rare but i do take my meds every night now to help. It hard to tell ppl. i have herpes, especially someone i want to date because of the fear of being judged but i guess thats life. JUST PROTECT YOURSELF no matter how long u date someone cause u never know fully someones past and every sexual encounter.

—Guest Jay

Me too ya'll

I just want to encourage everyone to check out the websites for dating with herpes. You're not alone! I just signed up and it's awesome not having to worry about having the awful disclosure conversation, or the guilt of ending the relationship after infecting someone.

—Guest Me too

Not too bad..

I found out I had herpes after sleeping with only the second person in my life. I had an outbreak right after. I had no idea what it was but then went to the doctor and he told me it was herpes. I cried for days, I was so devastated. I tried being responsible and tell the guy even though we weren't talking anymore, but he completely ignored me, acting like I did not know what I was talking about and he even refused to get tested! I've had it for 4 years now and it doesn't really bother me. I have a boyfriend of 2 years, we've been off and on. I told him before we ever had sex and he said he didn't care. It is always hard to have this conversation. I have always tried to tell people before having sex and had mixed reactions. The guy that I dated before my boyfriend also told me that he didn't care about it, but after I left him for my boyfriend he made sure that everyone knew. I was wandering how the others have dealt with telling their partner and if anyone could offer any advice

—Guest kk

Always check b4 you have sex.

I was diagnosed simplex herpes, a few months ago. I had immediate break out after sex with a friend. I'm still having breakout once in a while, constantly feeling irritation. I was afraid it could something worse. But the worst thing is that after telling him that, he acted like he had nothing to do with it and he never told me he had herpes. He continue cheating on me and slept with other gals. Like the previous posts, there are those ignorant and careless people who'd just please themselves even if they have to put others' lives in danger. So always check before you have sex with someone.

—Guest Guest herpes

Living

I found out I had herpes 6 months after starting to have sex. I was completely thrown for a loop, but I have learned to deal with it. I was able to have a set of twins (u can have kids) and breastfeed with no problems. My kids are 6 now and dating is difficult because I dont know when to tell them. I met someone that I love and so I need to tell him this weekend.

—Guest GUESt

the worst day of my life

I slept with a friend from work who showed no symptoms and surprise, a week later I break out in sores. I knew what it was even before the doctor. I've never been in so much pain physically, and the emotional burden of carrying this secret and social stigma is pretty painful as well. I seriously am depressed and really would rather just die than live a life with this awful virus popping up and ruining my personal, social, and sex life forever. The worst part is that I've always been super careful and clean, I'd only been with 4 people in 5 1/2 years of sexual activity and the one time that a condom breaks, this happens. I never thought this could happen to me, but now I've got to keep up with a medication and stay on top of my overall health for the rest of my life to avoid outbreaks which are the most uncomfortable thing ever. And I have to inform every guy I plan on being with that I'm a virus-carrying herpes-ridden wench. Thanks for ruining my life, herpes simplex.

—Guest No Mas

Just got tested

I just got tested this morning after noticing symptoms. I am expecting the worst. I am going to stay strong and live a productive, happy life regardless of the results.

—Guest Jay

Full of regret

I am in a 4year relationhship with my boyfriend and recently wanted to try being with a woman with all the hype and popularity of being bi or bi-curious or just flat out gay. Little did i know it was going to ruin my life. I was just diagnosed with herpes and im so regretful that i cheated it wasnt worth it and i feel im about to lose the only man i ever loved in my life. I feel like i just want to die and dont deserve him. im so sorry and to anyone who is thinking of cheating please dont or if you do make sure that person got tested recently or will get tested before you are with them and can show you the results!

—Guest Guest Guest

Confused On What To Do

I gave my significant other herpes and we've been together for a year. I didn't know I had it until he had an outbreak after we had sex after not using a condom. The person found out through the doctor and I wouldn't believe it was me. I didn't even know I had it.. Well, we have been issues lately and I just want to break it off..but I feel guilty. I think that it's my fault for what happen and if I leave this person, that they are going to regret ever even being with me in the first place. I found so many flaws about their personality that makes me not want to be with that person anymore.. Just tired of it. ***From your Guide: Although it sounds like you have some good reasons for not wanting to stay in the relationship, outside of the herpes diagnosis, it also sounds like it might be a good idea to try some counseling. Maybe if you two work through your problems together, you'll decide to stay together - or at least decide to separate on better terms.***

—Guest Depressed Person

what shoud I do

I have been diagnosed with herpes for about 3 year now. When I found out I was very shocked and scared because I been had it but was being told it was something else from five different doctors. I recently met this guy who I really like and we had sex with a condom (no outbreak and I feel soooo bad)I did not tell him I have Herpes. How could I do that to him. I feel so guilty. What should I do?

—Guest lonely

Forgiveness....ongoing

I am an attractive middle aged woman coming out of an unhappy 24 year marriage a few years ago. My boyfriend and I have been together since shortly after my break up. I had no idea if my departing husband or my new boyfriend had given it to me until I saw my boyfriend had a cold sore 6 months after I was diagnosed. My doctors told me I had the worse case of it they had ever witnessed - so much BLOOD! Well this is my third break out and this time it appeared in my cleavage. I didn't know what it was at first. My guy is 54 and had no clue he could transfer his oral herpes to my nether regions by going down on me. I feel cursed and angry. Each time I get it I get furious about him. It does me no good and I wish I could find peace. Sigh.

—Guest Velveta