Readers Respond: Living With Herpes

Responses: 25

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depressed

I'm 16 and about 4months ago i recently got told i had genital herpes. I was devastated. I didn't know anything about them and all I could think was who would want me now? I've heard all these people talk about how disgusting they think it is - even my friends and sister say it - so I had noone to talk to and it's not something I want to talk to my mum about even though she knows. I just feel so different to other people and think that my sex life will be so different. I'm worried that I will infect someone else and I don't want to put them through what I have been...I get so sad I cry for no reason and I'm just depressed all the time. I'm never happy. I just wish it would go away I need help plz. **From The Guide: If you see this, please go talk to a counselor at your school about your depression. Hopefully they will be able to help you work through this or refer you to a support group for teens in similar situations. This is not the end of the world, just something to get through.**

—Guest sad

i finally told

i have been seeing someone for the past six months. we have been sexually active and i always used a condom and made sure i was not having a break out. last night though we did not use one & though i was not having a breakout i still had to tell. he froze said i planned it all and he was not sure what to do now. i was irresponsible for not telling before and giving him the chioce. Knowledge is power and i advise that when you tell make sure you know all you can about this disease so you can help your partner through

—Guest leana

I just told my boyfriend

this has been the hardest conversation I've ever had to have and even harder because I told him after we had already had sex and without a condom. I didn't have a break out at the time so I justified not saying anything as well I can't get him infected. That's was our first time having sex and I was too afraid to say anything. We have been deciding to move in together and I knew I had to tell him before we had sex again...well I did and he is pissed. rightfully so, I don't know if he'll stay with me after this...because I wasn't honest with him. IDK, I'm glad that I came clean..the guilt was eating me up. and I know I could've just said I didn't know if anything showed up (which is what the guy said to me when he gave it me) but I just wouldn't feel right. I hope that he can forgive me and can still love me. If not, I guess the lesson here was to have the hard conversation before its gets to intimacy. Make sure the person you love has a choice. I'm so hurt/guilty right now... :(

—Guest curlyfrochick

It's a small problem, comparatively...

Many of you lack the perspective of time. I got my herpes in 1980. 19 years have passed. Herpes has been and continues to be one of the least of my worries. If you've been recently diagnosed, don't worry. The outbreaks decrease in frequency over time, to the point that you often can't even remember when you had your last outbreak. And as far as finding a partner goes, I have not had even one partner reject me because of it. Of course, you're a lot more cautious about who you make love with and at what point in the relationship. That is more of a good thing than a bad thing, as it turns out. In summary, Live On. You've got a virus. Give thanks that it is not a burden many times heavier.

—Guest Grateful

Dating Someone with Herpes

I am currently dating someone who has been diagnosised with genital herpes. When he told me about it I was not surprised. He had an unusual amount of clear penial discharge. I thought it was because he was sexually aroused. It never dawned on me why. Oddly enough we didnt have any type of sexual contact at that time alot of intimate moments. One day he tells me that he thinks that he might have herpes and that he had been tested in the past and they where always negative. So I decided to get online and look up pictures and info on genital herpes. After doing some research, and remembering the some of the tell-tell signs, I decided to go with him and be tested myself. His test was positive and mine was negative. He was devastated. I told him that he was still blessed. It could have been HIV or worse. He shared with me his fear of losing me. I assured him that I was going to be around and that he is a great man. That's been 1 yr ago and my status has not changed.

—Guest inarelationship

Lied?

How do you know if your partner lied to you about having herpes. I have been diagnosed and my partner says he did not know. I also have had pelvic nerve pain for over a year, which is debilitating, and wonder if herpes has caused the nerve pain. I really would like to know if he has lied as it has completely ruined my life and I will leave tomorrow even though we are engaged. Edited By Guide To Add: It is quite possible for a person to be infected with herpes and not know about it for years. Therefore there is no way to tell if your boyfriend is lying to you - he could have been infected and not known (has he been tested? Perhaps you were infected earlier and just started to show symptoms?) The nerve pain could also be a complication of genital herpes.

—jhartnett2

It was all my fault!

my mum passed the cold sore type herpes onto me accidentally when she had a sore up her nose when I was tiny, but it manifested on my thigh. I have grown to live with it all my life but have always hated having it so much! All the years of enduring it through school with no one to talk to about it. Now in my adult life it has tormented me once when I made my biggest mistake of making love to my boyfriend of 1 and a half yrs while I had an outbreak...then I knew I should let him know but ruined everything because I had just had sex with him. He has punished me for a year, and I think he wanted to leave me a yr ago but didn't. We have reached loggerheads now on various levels and I ended out relationship which would have been 3 yrs in December 09 because it was all just unbearable in the end. His behavior changed, he treated me like I didn't exist...let me down, changed plans etc etc... I understood how I made him feel & hate myself for it. I miss him so much!!! What have I done??!

—Guest Anon

my boyfriend couldn't cope with HS1

HS1 has never been a problem to me until a year ago. I knew I was mid outbreak but the embarrassment and fear of my partner leaving me if I told him made me lose my mind a bit & stupidly pretend I never had an outbreak so he wouldn't notice etc...only the guilt got to me later because I knew I had to tell him and also knew I had done the worst thing by having sex with him (and our thighs would have been touching). I don't know what on earth got into my head that day but I was so petrified of losing him that I got the timing wrong and should have said no to him wanting sex with me. I didn't and it has destroyed our relationship because he couldn't cope with it all maturely and I understand how he feels and what upsets him the most about it. I am deeply ashamed and upset that I have lost my soul mate and that I was not as open as I should have been. There is no turning back the clocks now. It has almost destroyed me.

—Guest anon

Living with Herpes

I tested positive for Herpes 15 years ago. I wanted to die. I had used condoms faithfully and decided not to with the wrong person. It still upsets me even today but you learn to live with it. You have to take care of yourself and not get too stressed since it brings on the outbreaks. I'm down to maybe one a year but I know when I'm to stressed because that's when the outbreak starts. Just remember that it will be ok and Thank god it wasn't HIV. I make better choices now and just remember to try and stay calm and healthy. The person that gave it to me knew he had it also and pretended that he didnt know. Just don't continue the cycle and tell your future partners.

—Guest Guest Its Ok

Do Not Trust Anyone

Living with the virus has been very difficult for me. I was infecting after having what I thought was protected sex with a new friend. I immediantly had an outbreak after finding out that he had taken the condom off without even asking me. As a nursing student I knew as soon as the outbreak began that it was herpes but I did not want to admit it, when it was confirmed I cried so much . I told my friend and he became my boyfriend after that for the sole reason of me not wanting to have to tell anyone else. We were ok, but even after I told him that he also had it he still cheated on me with someone else. It is so sad to know that people are just that ignorant, in order to please themselves they put other people's lives and bodies in danger. Since I broke up with him it has been 2 years and I still do not have a boyfriend. One of my ex- boyfriends asked me to marry him, after I told him, he no longer wanted to. Now I just try to educate as many people as I can to always get tested.

—Guest Coping

It ain't that bad.

I don't think I'm being idealistic when I say it's really not that bad. Many people have cold sores and don't think twice about it. Well, this is similar. I know I have it, and if you're on here, you probably do too. I like to think that I'm lucky to know I have it so I can at least be responsible about it- there are plenty of people who are infected and have no idea-- and go on spreading it without knowing. We're not alone, people. We can manage it, and it will hardly affect our lives. We only live once, don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself- it's just an inconvenience! Don't let it control you or your feelings. Stay positive! No pun intended :) No harm in joking, right?!

—Guest que sera, sera

Got herpes from a yoga mat!

I got herpes from using a used yoga mat at the gym. It's actually right on my tailbone. It's simplex 2, and the doctor told me he'd seen that before. He said he'd seen people who have it on their back and shoulders as well, and that even it's above the waist, it can still be simplex 2. He also said to not use any kind of gym equipment w/out placing a towel on it first. Make sure that no skin is coming in contact w/ the gym equipment. Just putting the word out. Perhaps I can prevent some of you from getting infected innocently. A Note From Your Guide: Most "mat herpes" does not come from an exercise mat, it comes from contact with another person, but transmission from an object is considered to be possible. For more information, see my article on mat herpes here - http://std.about.com/od/herpes/a/gladiatorum.htm

—Guest yogi

i didnt know this could have happen

i started having sex at about sixteen, my bf had alot of parteners. we used condoms sometimes. i acctually broke the relationship off because of the multiple partners. lo and behold at seventeen i had a sore on my genital, i know i was herpes. how did i take it? it was a rocky road, some of my dreams were shattered,i cant blame him because he has tested since and was negative. wat i wud love to know though is this disease as dangerous as hiv. i can seem to date anyone. there is noone in my family who knows about my status bcauze i feel embarrassed. i am coping off my own and i just which for those who are facing this virus to be strong in the lord; he alone can deliver you.

—Guest brightsparks

could i have it.

i had sex with a girl i know 2 1/2 months ago.she tested positive today she had her first outbreak this week. ive never had an outbreak.do you think she got it after our encounter. someone please respond Edited to add : "It is certainly possible that she could have gotten it from you, but the only way to find out is to be tested yourself. You could simply be asymptomatic, or she could have gotten it from someone else" - The Guide (there is no way to actually respond to stories posted here. You should try posting in the forums instead)

—Guest i hope not.

This can't be me...

I JUST found out a few days ago what I have. I was tested and the results haven't come back yet but I KNOW. But here's the kick: I cheated on my bf of 5 years and told him about it and got tested, I tested negative and was with no one besides him since. Now that I have this breakout, he left me. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I could ever date again, If I do find someone, when do I tell them? In the beginning? When he wants to commit to me? I don't know and it's so stressful... When I'm working or in class I'm cool because I'm keeping myself busy, but at home, at night, I just cry and get angry and completely spaz out. I just wish I had someone to talk to and comfort me, I thought it was him... The only thing that really comforts me is praying and just crying on my mother's shoulder. I really need a friend

—Guest Alicia