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Readers Respond: Living With Herpes

Responses: 905

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Updated November 26, 2011

I am still me

I was diagnosed last year at during my annual GYN check up at first I felt broken and abnormal. Now I have accepted that I am still me and taking things one day at a time. I have made the decision to see an infectious disease specialist to figure out how to treat and minimize spreading the disease. I got it from my ex not sure if he knows he has it but I have taken responsibility for putting myself at risk and will try my best to live my life to the fullest with the knowledge that I am me not the disease.
—Guest Guest living

Need Support

I'm feel very alone because I can't trust everyone with my secret. I think certain things you can't descuss with friends or family. Its sad to say I rather lie about my situation,than be alone. My boyfriend for almost a year stop speaking to me. My was fear is that I gave him my special gift.
—Guest Nadine McFadden

sad

I feel like I'm completely alone in this matter. I want to be a regular person and date regular people. I feel like I'm living a double life. I'm really depressed because I didn't tell the guy I was dating my dirty secret. I think he found out because he's not speaking to me. The worst part is that I have to work with him.
—Guest Lanika Jackson

Young with Herpes

I was 22 when I first started dating my boyfriend. He pressured me into the "pull out" method, staying it was "safe." I was clean- I made sure to be checked out before intercourse, and I believed he was truthful when he said he got checked out for me. I was wrong- he lied. After I found out I was infected, he became extremely abuse, accusing me of cheating (usually irrationally), and hitting me on a whim. The night we broke up, he stole my car, demanded I admitted to cheating on him (which I wasn't), slapped me numerous times, and threatened that if I told anyone what he had done, he would "cut them." (I knew he was telling the truth because he always carried a knife with him, even though I was terrified by them). That night we broke up. Maybe he can carry on sleeping around, but I can't. Herpes has destroyed my self esteem. I have considered suicide numerous nights. I can't give this to so someone else, but I can't face the humiliation of rejection. I'm lost.
—Guest Lm

21 and betrayed

So a couple of weeks ago I experienced my first OB & it was the most painful wknd of my life. At first I thought it was just an ingrown hair, but as my vagina got real swollen I knew it was something more serious. I also experienced a fever and bad body aches, which are also the symptoms. My doctor told me it looked like herpes & I felt so sad and helpless. It was also the week of my 21st bday so that is how I will always remember my 21st and it really sucks. I know in my gut that I got it from a guy that I've been sexually active with for these past couple of months. We had always used condoms, but this last time we didn't just two weeks before my outbreak. Since then, he has been very distant and hasn't tried to contact me. He's making it very obvious that he knows what he did & that makes me furious! I feel disgusted,betrayed&ashamed. I also blame myself for not being more careful. Everyday is a new challenge & I pray I have the strength to get thu this. Trying to live positively.
—Guest Young and helpless

my ex cheated on me and gave me herpes

My ex cheated on me a lot and always denied it. I actually have no proof, except for the 2 times he clamydia and tried to say I gave it to him, even though I have never slept with anyone else in the 4 years we were together. I cant tell him about this because I know he will try to put a spin on it like I gave it to him, even though I know different. I dont know what to do, I feel like I will be alone now forever.
—Guest so sad

stop spreading herpes

i hate when people with herpes try to minimize there condition. if you have herpes tell your partner. let them choose. who are you to put someone health at risk?
—Guest AL

Everything will be okay

About a week ago my boyfriend developed a cold sore, neither of us had any idea that if we were to have oral sex I could contract HSV 1 but that is exactly what happened. At first I starting to feel really sore all over and my back was killing me, it also started to burn when I went to the toilet, then came the bumps which were extremely sore! I did my research and realised what had happened. It really got to me the day I found out and I felt scared and stupid for not knowing that such a thing could happen. Iv had a really big think about it and iv now realised everything is the same as before with the exception of the pain which will pass with the help of my treatment. My boyfriend and i have even been cracking jokes about it the past couple of days, we shouldn't let this get to us, its not the end of the world, and it could have been something much worse. And as for finding a partner, who wants someone who can't except them for who they are, after all its not our fault!!
—Guest Happy

Positive

I was diagnosed last week. Had the flu-like symptoms and one sore on the right lip. I cried. Told the guy I've been seeing. Things are ok for now but I don't have much hope for the relationship right now as I am feeling very insecure about myself. Some days I am happy others not so. It just bothers me to read that some of you ladies think it is the end of the world or one of your biggest fears. If this was one of your biggest fears then you wouldn't have sex. Many people are ignorant to this virus and will be quick to judge you for something you have when they probably haven't had an std check in years or ever. So don't let anyone bring you down for this. Sadly it is incurable for now but forgive yourself and focus on other aspects in life. Especially the young ladies, sex shouldn't be your main concern right maybe it's a warning sign that you need to slow down? Focus on school, a relationship on god something that will take your mind off this and learn to be happy.
—Guest Positive

A betrayal

I`ve been married for several years by now and just recently found out that my partner has genital herpes. I was devastated and shocked for he never told me about this matter not until I got cold sore. I`m really really mad and don`t know what to do... Is it better for me to leave him or to stay with him ? I love him but I hate him.
—Guest Being betrayed

Just found out

Hey. I'm 24 and I just found out a couple days ago that I had genital herpes and it was my first outbreAk. I hve been dating a guy for about a month now and he has never had an outbreak but that does not mean that he does not have it. I will never know when I got it or who I got it from. I'm lucky that he was not angry with me when I told him and he is very supportive. One of the worst thins about this other than te painful break outs and that it's in curable is the stigmatization society has. And I am ashamed to say that I used to make herpes jokes and now look at me. :( I feel so dirty and ashamed.
—Guest Girl24

My poor boyfriend

When me and my boyfriend first met I was just getting over a cold sore. Turns out I gave him genital herpes during oral sex from my cold sore. I never knew this was possible and I really wish I had been educated about this. I help this story of mine helps someone out there. It's a little too late for me and my guy. I don't know where to go from here and I hope he doesn't hate me forever.
—Guest Naive

My story.

I'm 18 and I've had herpes for almost a year. The guy who gave it to me was my boyfriend and we had broken up and 2 months later he was in a relationship with a 34year old woman. The 34 year old gave him herpes and he didn't know it so when we got back together he gave it to me. I went throw a really depressed few months and thought my life was over. His family blames me because they don't know the truth. I hate talking about it to anybody and I feel nasty and ugly sometimes because of it. But Im blessed. because Im engaged to the guy who gave me herpes and Im pregnant with are first child. Everyday is a challenge, Its hard but I have hope, I don't blame my fiancé or his ex. I don't want to hate or hold any hard feelings against anybody. I just want to live a long and happy life with my fiancé and me son.
—Guest Herpes made me stronger

24 with herpes

At 22 I found out I had herpes and im unsure where I got it from. I was with my ex for a yea rand at first he was very supportive but the herpies took a toll on out relationship. He however had never had an outbreak. We recently broke up after 3 years together because he stated that he couldnt deal with it any longer but he still loved me....which I dont understand. True love is loving the person through the good and the bad and I have sacrificed and loved him through the worst of his shit. As you can see I am hurt and devastated. At the end of the day life goes on and im determined not to let herpes type 1 take over my life.
—Guest 24 with herpes

Got diagnosed today.

I got diagnosed today, the news was heartbreaking let alone stressful, I'm 18 and living life, I'm not going to let this virus dictate how I live. I will be more careful and more cautious with my sex life. I haven't had any sores or blisters in my genital area and its been 2 weeks since I had the burning, but thats all I got. I am learning that life is great. Don't lets the stigma of herpes get you down. Haha smile and laugh and take your meds and you'll be fine. I promise.
—Guest Julio

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