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Readers Respond: Living With Herpes

Responses: 920


Updated November 26, 2011


Yesterday I was tested for herpes. It is looking like a positive reading. I will find out for certain in 9 days time. I think I already know the answer. I had the flu symptoms, tiredness, sore lower back, swollen inguinal lymph nodes etc . Alarm bells went off a few days after my sexual encounter. I can' t help but blame the guy, but at the same time I was the stupid one for being intimate with him. I do not normally sleep around however had a few too many to drink and look where it landed me. I already felt cheap and regretted having the one night stand so this is a double whammy. I must say I am still hopeful the test will come back negative, but I know in my gut this will not happen. It has really hit home that this a life long disease that is painful and has a very negative stigma associated with it. I must admit I feel very low right now and when I think about it I break down and cry. I know it will get better, I just have to think positive and realise I am not alone.
—Guest Sad

guilt trip

Ive lived with herpes for 10 yrs now. I got it from my last boyfriend in 03. I stayed with him because I am an accepting person and any disease does not define u. He ended up cheating on me as if he didnt care. I didnt want the risk of getting another disease so I dumped him. My recent relationship just ended 4monts ago and it lasted for 5yrs not a good realationship but i stayed becuz i gave it to him .Moral of story is i felt like i owed him. Something but at the end of the day.love urself and EVERYBODY deserves happiness
—Guest greater than

6 years of dating

I've been diagnosed with genital herpes. I'm still with the symptoms and I'm in treatment. I talk with my partner about that and I ask him about others relationships probably he had before dating me (I know he had, we always talk about). I ask if he has had a relationship during our dating. He told me not. I don't know how I get the disease just know: after six years of dating. He can not have the symptoms I know, but I think... I think that's because I have cold sores (oral herpes) and if it is likely that I've transmited... I don't blame him because maybe I am the guilty...
—Guest little sad

I'm 30 and don't know where it came from

Last week I was diognosed with HSV-2, or Genital Herpes. My situation is somewhat complicated. I'm 30 years old and just separated from my wife back in March. Since that time I had two sexual partners, but I used protection. Before my wife I had about 20 partners and used protection with all of them except three. Now here is where it gets even more complicated. Last November I had a spot which I thought was an ingrown hair. Then I had it again in March. Finally, last weekend I had a real outbreak. My wife and I separated because I found emails indicating she was unfaithful. She got tested today, but hasn't recieved the results back. I've decided not to be upset with her, or anyone for that matter. I have been pretty open about it and found that my friends are pretty accpeting of it. My hope is that if my wife has it, this is the thing that brings us closer...if not, I guess it's over. I think I'm dealing with it well, but it was a huge punch in the...
—Guest Dealing with it

starting over

Iam 40 years old I went to my annual check up. Took all test that is require for a women of my age, during my pap smear my doctor notice a bump on my thigh and ask what was it. I told her I always get bumps there because my thighs rub together when I walk. She took blood to check for herpes and my test came back positive I was devastated and confused cause my boyfriend had a check up months before I did and he don't have it.Maybe it came from my past and now it came up now. Because I get a bump on my thigh all the time. I didn't tell my bf I just broke it off So I can think of what's next in my life.
—Guest puzzle

can't spend your life depressed

Wow there are so many bad depressing stories on here. I have had herpes for a year I have been single for a year. I caught it off my ex girlfriend she slept around lots. facts are I have it and that's that. I have good friends good family and I will always be upfront about my condition. people need to accept that life goes on.
—Guest Kenny


My girlfriend gave me herpes I'm only 17 years old and I went to the gp that did swabs on me and I don't think I can trust my girlfriend again now I don't want to split up with her because I do love her
—Guest 17

Just silly sore

I'm 34 and have herpes genital for 3 years. The first outbreaks really shocked me but years after only little and forgotten. I'm a designated person and strong, sometime i do have outbreak that i'm not even aware of. So why taking pills at all. I drive fancy car and estate living and through alot of things. No sores will end my days. For you out there taking refuge for having herpes. I shall shout at you. There more people out there crying of cancer that needs our help , rather than tinkering with your pants and get on with it. And about love. If one cant accept you for having herpes. Dont marry them because they dont love you that much with or without herpes. True love wont mind such sores.
—Guest Douchebag

Dating someone with Herpes

I am 30 years old and I just started dating a girl who has genital herpes. I don't have it, and we haven't slept together but she wanted to be up front with me about it. I have tremendous respect for her strength and courage to do that because I am sure it wasn't easy. I like her a lot, but I don't know if I want to knowingly contract herpes. This is especially true since we just started dating and don't know if things will last or not. I proposed that we date but don't have sex unless we get married. I'm not willing to take a risk on a casual relationship, but if I fall in love with them and want to spend the rest of my life with them, then I would accept the disease onto myself. What are your thoughts on this? Am I being a jerk by making her wait? This also follows my Christian values of waiting for marriage to have sex (which I haven't followed yet, but have wanted to start). Thanks for your insight.
—Guest Trying to understand

It will be okay..

A lot of depressing responses on here...I was 18 when I was diagnosed with herpes, I'm now 25 and have had 2 serious relationships with men who did not. I've been with my current one (now my fiancée) for almost 6 years. I've always been up front with my sexual partners although its not always easy. We are always careful and as a result my partners have stayed HSV free. You're not dirty, you're not tainted. And someone will love you again. There is so much more to you than an unfortunate skin rash, live your lives and don't let this control you. Take better care of yourself, look into natural suppressive therapies and if someone doesn't want to be with you because you have herpes that is their choice and you need to respect it but I found men that deeply cared about and loved me anyways, the same can happen for you. Everything is going to be okay.
—Guest It will be okay.,

Condoms don't protect

I just got my first ob on friday. It was the worst timing because Wednesday I had had the best first date I've ever had with a great guy that I had an amazing connection with. We spent 30 hours together our first date... He came home with me and we had protected sex, like I ALWAYS do. I'm not a generally promiscuous person, i had only ever had one one night stand (protected) up until a month ago when I went on a road trip and decided to have a little sexually liberty for once. I slept with 3 guys in 2 weeks... However I used condoms as I always do... Too bad for me, that its not common knowledge that condoms don't protect against hsv or hpv... Because I caught hsv and too bad that my symptoms showed up one day after my date with the great guy and not before because it now turns out that I gave it to him. He is type 1 diabetic and suffering so badly I feel horrible. He also blames me and is so upset and angry. It's terrible because now our potential is lost and he is just so depressed.
—Guest Dealing well

Find ur support system helps

I am 21 and I found out I have genital herpes a few months ago which I contracted from my current boyfriend. He was diagnosed first because he had symptoms. From that point on we were extra careful sexually but (obviously) not careful enough. When I went to get tested its like we already knew so we weren't surprised. The diagnosis was the easy part since we kinda knew, its the symptoms that really sink it in. Dealing with this has not been easy WHATSOEVER, my symptoms seem to be more severe and last longer than his. I get the blisters,the itchin, swelling, discharge,burning with urination, pelvic pain and i seem to get it every time we have sex or randomly every so often and it last for weeks. Ever since my first "serious" outbreak its made me feel really self-conscious in public like people can tell and made me feel really unwanted or tainted. It is hard but not the worst ,I'm just glad we have each other to support and understand. We help each other during our "breakings" which makes
—Guest living dealing

it hurts to know

so im 19 years old and ive been with my boyfriend for 9 months. i started having strange bumps around my vaginal area, so i went to the doctor. she told me i have warts. she didnt tell me what the std is called or what it will do to me and honestly im scared to find out. when i told my boyfriend, i was so scared he was gonna leave me. i told him i had something very bad to tell him, he look like he was going to cry. but when i told him what it was he just told me that i shouldnt have scared him like that and that i should have just came out and said it. i was relieved he didnt leave me right there. all though i still fared that later on he would. im scared that he will leave me and i will never find anyone who will love or except me ever again. i felt like a gross monster. but i have decided that i wont let my std control my life, i cant tell the future so there is no point in worrying over it. no matter what you should always love yourself. sometimes things may seem bad but
—Guest scaredbutconfident

Scared, humiliated, confused.

I'm 19 and today I got a call from the dr. With the results to my std test. They said I had herpes but they couldn't tell if it was oral or genital... How can they not know? I'm confused about that but anyway, I feel like my life is over. I'll never be able to have sex again. No one will ever fall in love with me knowing I have herpes and they can't make love to me unless they want to catch it. I never thought this would happen to me but when I heard that a guy I had been sleeping with was very unfaithful and some of his partners were absolutely disgusting so I knew I needed to be checked... I also tested positive for HPV... I haven't had any symptoms of either of these diseases but I know I'll have them for the rest of my life. The worst part is, I have 3 autoimmune diseases already (lupus, sleraderma, rumhetoid arthritis). So my immune system can't fight off anything. I'm so scared and I don't know what to do and I don't have anyone to talk to about this. May God be with us all...
—Guest In shock

Don't trust anyone even your boyfriend

I found out that I had type 2 herpes 2 months after I was with my bf I found out he had cheated on me and I contracted herpes now he has moved on in his life but so have I... I hardly ever have outbreaks but when I do I usually only get 1 sore and it is a little sore
—Guest I look at life differnt now

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