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Readers Respond: Living With Herpes

Responses: 901


Updated November 26, 2011

21 and betrayed

So a couple of weeks ago I experienced my first OB & it was the most painful wknd of my life. At first I thought it was just an ingrown hair, but as my vagina got real swollen I knew it was something more serious. I also experienced a fever and bad body aches, which are also the symptoms. My doctor told me it looked like herpes & I felt so sad and helpless. It was also the week of my 21st bday so that is how I will always remember my 21st and it really sucks. I know in my gut that I got it from a guy that I've been sexually active with for these past couple of months. We had always used condoms, but this last time we didn't just two weeks before my outbreak. Since then, he has been very distant and hasn't tried to contact me. He's making it very obvious that he knows what he did & that makes me furious! I feel disgusted,betrayed&ashamed. I also blame myself for not being more careful. Everyday is a new challenge & I pray I have the strength to get thu this. Trying to live positively.
—Guest Young and helpless

my ex cheated on me and gave me herpes

My ex cheated on me a lot and always denied it. I actually have no proof, except for the 2 times he clamydia and tried to say I gave it to him, even though I have never slept with anyone else in the 4 years we were together. I cant tell him about this because I know he will try to put a spin on it like I gave it to him, even though I know different. I dont know what to do, I feel like I will be alone now forever.
—Guest so sad

stop spreading herpes

i hate when people with herpes try to minimize there condition. if you have herpes tell your partner. let them choose. who are you to put someone health at risk?
—Guest AL

Everything will be okay

About a week ago my boyfriend developed a cold sore, neither of us had any idea that if we were to have oral sex I could contract HSV 1 but that is exactly what happened. At first I starting to feel really sore all over and my back was killing me, it also started to burn when I went to the toilet, then came the bumps which were extremely sore! I did my research and realised what had happened. It really got to me the day I found out and I felt scared and stupid for not knowing that such a thing could happen. Iv had a really big think about it and iv now realised everything is the same as before with the exception of the pain which will pass with the help of my treatment. My boyfriend and i have even been cracking jokes about it the past couple of days, we shouldn't let this get to us, its not the end of the world, and it could have been something much worse. And as for finding a partner, who wants someone who can't except them for who they are, after all its not our fault!!
—Guest Happy


I was diagnosed last week. Had the flu-like symptoms and one sore on the right lip. I cried. Told the guy I've been seeing. Things are ok for now but I don't have much hope for the relationship right now as I am feeling very insecure about myself. Some days I am happy others not so. It just bothers me to read that some of you ladies think it is the end of the world or one of your biggest fears. If this was one of your biggest fears then you wouldn't have sex. Many people are ignorant to this virus and will be quick to judge you for something you have when they probably haven't had an std check in years or ever. So don't let anyone bring you down for this. Sadly it is incurable for now but forgive yourself and focus on other aspects in life. Especially the young ladies, sex shouldn't be your main concern right maybe it's a warning sign that you need to slow down? Focus on school, a relationship on god something that will take your mind off this and learn to be happy.
—Guest Positive

A betrayal

I`ve been married for several years by now and just recently found out that my partner has genital herpes. I was devastated and shocked for he never told me about this matter not until I got cold sore. I`m really really mad and don`t know what to do... Is it better for me to leave him or to stay with him ? I love him but I hate him.
—Guest Being betrayed

Just found out

Hey. I'm 24 and I just found out a couple days ago that I had genital herpes and it was my first outbreAk. I hve been dating a guy for about a month now and he has never had an outbreak but that does not mean that he does not have it. I will never know when I got it or who I got it from. I'm lucky that he was not angry with me when I told him and he is very supportive. One of the worst thins about this other than te painful break outs and that it's in curable is the stigmatization society has. And I am ashamed to say that I used to make herpes jokes and now look at me. :( I feel so dirty and ashamed.
—Guest Girl24

My poor boyfriend

When me and my boyfriend first met I was just getting over a cold sore. Turns out I gave him genital herpes during oral sex from my cold sore. I never knew this was possible and I really wish I had been educated about this. I help this story of mine helps someone out there. It's a little too late for me and my guy. I don't know where to go from here and I hope he doesn't hate me forever.
—Guest Naive

My story.

I'm 18 and I've had herpes for almost a year. The guy who gave it to me was my boyfriend and we had broken up and 2 months later he was in a relationship with a 34year old woman. The 34 year old gave him herpes and he didn't know it so when we got back together he gave it to me. I went throw a really depressed few months and thought my life was over. His family blames me because they don't know the truth. I hate talking about it to anybody and I feel nasty and ugly sometimes because of it. But Im blessed. because Im engaged to the guy who gave me herpes and Im pregnant with are first child. Everyday is a challenge, Its hard but I have hope, I don't blame my fiancé or his ex. I don't want to hate or hold any hard feelings against anybody. I just want to live a long and happy life with my fiancé and me son.
—Guest Herpes made me stronger

24 with herpes

At 22 I found out I had herpes and im unsure where I got it from. I was with my ex for a yea rand at first he was very supportive but the herpies took a toll on out relationship. He however had never had an outbreak. We recently broke up after 3 years together because he stated that he couldnt deal with it any longer but he still loved me....which I dont understand. True love is loving the person through the good and the bad and I have sacrificed and loved him through the worst of his shit. As you can see I am hurt and devastated. At the end of the day life goes on and im determined not to let herpes type 1 take over my life.
—Guest 24 with herpes

Got diagnosed today.

I got diagnosed today, the news was heartbreaking let alone stressful, I'm 18 and living life, I'm not going to let this virus dictate how I live. I will be more careful and more cautious with my sex life. I haven't had any sores or blisters in my genital area and its been 2 weeks since I had the burning, but thats all I got. I am learning that life is great. Don't lets the stigma of herpes get you down. Haha smile and laugh and take your meds and you'll be fine. I promise.
—Guest Julio

Life does go on

I was diagnose with herpes 20 years ago. With extreme shock, devastation and why me thoughts I knew I had to do something. So I joined localherpesdating.org. It was out of area but worth the drive for the comfort I felt and people whom I met. Having to move and with luck closer to my support group area I eventually decided to volunteer more time to my support group and worked the "help line". Talking to all sorts of people with different problems, some deep and some just with questions. Each one that I helped, helped me in turn. Some advices to others living with H or STD: ALWAYS be truthful before establishing an intimate relationship. Give your sexual partner the opportunity to decide if they can handle the herpes situation. Love and respect yourself by realizing that you deserve an accepting
—Guest livingwithherpes

Not sure of my Herpes status..

reading all this makes me quite sad, my boyfriend and I both recently discovered sores on our genitalia.. we haven't been tested and I pray its not herpes, but if it is, I know him and I will get through it. these things happen to the best of people, it doesn't make us lesser human beings and it doesn't make us cheap. these things happen! its not the end of the world, it takes two to tango so both parties should take responsibility and support one another as there is always a risk involved no matter what! I do believe a normal life can be lead with this illness, as with many other illnesses it just takes a bit of mainainance and caution for us to be healthy and happy! lets all start taking better care of ourselves today!
—Guest confused..

Moving forward

I am 19 years old. That's young. I'm a college student. I fell in love he asked me to marry him. I went from excited to lost confused and lonely. I have herpes. I'm having my first break out, and I have never been in so much pain. My boss is upset that I couldn't come in to work. I want to sleep all day. No body understands. Its my fault for being wreck less and stupid. I knew better. I want to marry him I love him so very much. He says nothing has changed but I feel so worthless and weak. I can't relax I can't sleep I don't want to breathe.
—Guest Nameless

Stay Str

I'm 19 years old going to college full time. I met this girl and we both had immediate intense physical attraction towards each other. I was having sex with her every weekend at least and it was protected every time although the condom broke a couple times. Not sure really when I noticed the sypmtoms at first but I know they where very soon after. After doing research online the puzzles began to come together and for a split second my hole life froze. I was about to be possibly faced with some of the worst news of my life. Herpes. I went and got tested and it was herpes genital-1. I just can't believe it happened to me. As far as the girl I haven't said anything yet I'm just trying to find a sign that she knows she has it, and if she does i'm hoping she'll own up to it.But whoever you are out there listening it's not the end of the world. It's hard for me right now but all you can try to do is stay positive. All you need to think about is someone out there is going to love you.
—Guest Frat

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