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Readers Respond: Living With Herpes

Responses: 541


Updated November 26, 2011

You'll be ok!

I found out I had Herpes only months after I started dating my current boyfriend. I was absolutely terrified to admit to him, especially since our relationship was so new. I finally got up the courage, fully expecting him to no longer want to be with me, and told him. It turns out that he felt quite the opposite; he was fully supportive, came with me to the doctor to get more answers and has never shown the least amount of disgust regarding the situation. Lucky for both of us, he has been negatively been tested. Anyone that is going through this needs to understand that it isn't the end of the world, and that although there is a stigma regarding the virus, educated individuals (who are worth being with) will not think less of you for having something that anyone can get. Don't worry!
—Guest Could be worse

Just got diagnosed YESTERDAY!!!!!!

I am not sure where I stand right now. I am feeling the worse ever in my life. I am 23, and a month ago was the first time I had sex ever with a man. Many of you won't believe it, but yes, I just lost my virginity a month ago. I had yeast infection and UTI at the same time about 3 weeks ago (that was after we had sex for the 2nd time). Everything was gone maybe 10 days ago but I felt a bit weird in my anal area so I went to the doctor yesterday. And guess what? I was positive with herpes. I am not sure what I should do... I kept my virginity for so long because I was afraid of STDs.. But once I loved someone and finally gave it up, things went wrong.... Now I am not sure how to tell him knowing that he will deny he gave me herpes and he will leave me for sure.... I really don't know what to do.... Please help....

i just found out i have herpes

I went to the doctor's office today and one look at the cluster of sores on my vagina, she said i have herpes. i got tested for STDs a couple of months ago and it showed up negative. I have been with one partner, my soulmate for 15 months and he passed it on to me. I'm scared, i'm scared because i hurt so much from the sores. I am scared cos i don't know how to live my life "normally" I don't want to hate him because he never knew he had the stupid disease in him. If he knew, things would have been so different. I guess the first day, first outbreak is the hardest. I just need to find strength to deal with everything
—Guest lost

Live & Learn then Forgive Yourself

I found out I had herpes when I was 17, I am now 25. I got it from a guy I briefly dated who had a girlfriend I didn't know about. That relationship obviously amounted to nothing and I was left with the disease. I didn't take it too hard because my best friend had just been diagnosed with herpes and warts not too long before. (Her boyfriend of 2 years had been cheating of her.) At first I didn't tell people and ignored the fact that I had it. Then I was with a guy for awhile and couldn't live with the guilt and told him. He was understanding and we stayed together. After a couple years we split for other reasons. I have had 3 boyfriends since (including my current boyfriend), I have told them all before we were intimate and none of them ran. My current boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and just a few months ago he did contract the disease. The only regret about being so open is that ppl talk & ppl know I have it. Who cares? I was honest. The ppl talking might have it too.
—Guest Doing Fine

I wont let it give up my life

Roughly 5-6 months ago i remember being in my bf apartment feeling very sick,high fever and bad pains in my vagina.I went to the clinic and found out i got type 2 herpes.I didn't want to tell me parents but i told my sister and she helped me out a little to pay for the medications.I remember crying to my bf saying i had herpes and u would think that u would hate the person for doing this to u.but like they say a person can have the virus and have no symptoms.my bf has 3 times my immune system(considering i was in a new area i got sick from the environment a lot).i never blamed him because he never knew he had it.We helped coop with it together because just as i am a victim he is too.I still go about life like it never happened.The best thing is that so far i only had that one episode and 2 short outbreaks in the first month.i haven't had another since because i became aware of my health.The healthier i was the more i wouldn't be vulnerable.its important to know it doesn't control ur life =
—Guest Itsmylife

I was in shock.

Two years ago, I was 16 and in March or may, I was raped and scared to tell anyone... so I kept it to myself. I’m not sure what I was feeling afterwards... A couple of years went by and I was as healthy as I could be, well I thought, than these blister like things kept appearing in my vaginal area. I told my mom about a year or so later... We'll she flipped; we weren’t sure what to do... On May 17, 2010 I was diagnosed with Herpes. I'm not sure what I was feeling. I was hurt, confused, disgusted with myself. After leaving i called my girlfriend and told her; all she said is that she will always be her for me. I never really grasped why it happened to me... And I still don’t know why either... I wish I knew. Its still hard to cope with; i cry every night wondering if its a dream or not and if I’ll wake up soon.. I'm only 17 about to be 18 and I’m living with herpes. This is something I didn’t want to live with, and i will stop thinking about it and how all this happened to me.

who wants a girl with herpes?

I've only had herpes for about 6 months, and I'm crushed because i never in my life thought that i would be someone living with herpes, its depressing & sometimes when I'm alone i just cry, i always think to myself, Who's going to want a girl with herpes?" That's how i feel. & i felt like my last hope for relationship was with the person that infected me and we are no longer together. i cant allow my self to get close to another man it would be to hard to tell someone your dating that you have HERPES! so i just avoid dating or being close to anyone & a lot of times i feel sad & just lonely.
—Guest --misunderstood

the person i loved gave me herpes

i was in a relationship with my babys father for almost 3 yrs i found out that i had got herpes last year in oct from him.a few days after having unprotected sex with him i got sores & a really painful feeling down below it was devastating for me because i was so hurt that the man i loved and trusted had gave me this disease & was having unprotected sex with so many other woman behind my back! & thank god herpes was the only thing i caught! me & my babys father are no longer together but he believes that he does not have herpes because it is not visible! & he is still going around having unprotected sex with so many different woman spreading this disease which is so horrible. i dont think i could allow my self to be close to someone especially having herpes i somewhat feel alone & like no one will ever really want me because of this disease. but make sure u always protect yourself cause idiots like my babys father are going around carelessly infecting others
—Guest --lonely

Life Since

I found out I have herpes this year. When I first found out I got flu like symptoms and experienced the worst pain ever in my vagina area. I have had one outbreak since then, but it hasn't ruined my life. I just don't have the guts to tell someone new that I have herpes. Men take things way differently from women. I just tend to stay away from men, and just focus on school and work. It helps to have a focus, but I wonder what will I do when school is over, and I have only my job to focus on. I have never told anyone about the herpes, and I feel so alone and don't have anyone I can really talk to. I was thinking about joining a support group just to have people to relate to. Hopefully I will continue to get through this, and find someone who will accept me flaws and all. Be blessed to everyone going through this, and together we will get through.
—Guest tryingtopushthrough


im mel im 19 engaged to my bf of almost 3 years and have a healthy 15 month old beautiful girl. i was sure it was a yeast infection a really bad one i was reading up on it i went to the doctor not expecting anything other then normal and the doctor looks at me and says thats herpes and trying to think as my head is spinning(how,from who,is my fiance cheating on me?...)the doctor leaves the room to get me a card for the std clinic i started to ball my eyes out while trying to get myself back together before the doctor comes back in he gives me the card i say how is this possible?is it curable?(even though i knew the answer)and so i leave with my bf and baby in the waiting room i just start crying really hard and walk out yesterday i went to the std clinic had a culture done and it was positive i feel like garbage as i am a bigger person with the baby weight who just started to get my self esteem building up as i was feeling self-conscious about myself and now this wow never expected it.***From your guide: It's possible that you could have had herpes for a long time and not realized it, but started having outbreaks because of the changes in your body after a pregnancy***
—Guest mel

who the hell gave me this

5 years ago, my fiance left me because i gave her herpes, we'd enjoyed two and a half years together all the while we knew that i could infect her (that's right WE knew) see i'm not one of those arse holes who just has sex with anyone and i truly loved this woman, after all i lost my virginity to her..................all other women in my life had been few and far between and nothing more than kissing. i have the opinion that it was one of the first girls i kissed that infected me, i have no way of knowing as i don't remember a time that i havn't had the occasional out break.......as a result of being dropped like yesterdays news, i can't let myself get close to women, which is driving me slowly insane. i can't get the stigma out of my head, and to make things more f'd up i'm still madly in love with this girl even after 4.5 years of not talking. might not be fatal but contagious is probably worse to most people.***From the Guide: With oral herpes, a lot of people get it from their family members, just from casual contact... before they even become sexually active***
—Guest noone

protect yourself everytime

im in pain all the time!!! i had sex with the same person for a year an a half an then he gave me genital herpes!!! i continued having sex with him just because i didnt figure anybody else would want me sexually!! i soon became pregnant by him an told him about the baby and the herpes an he called me names an told me the baby wasnt his an that he didnt have herpes!! i am in very bad pain quite often an i will not dare have sex with anyone else because i dont want them to catch herpes an have to deal with the constant pain that i deal with!!! i just think it is so selfish for someone to have sex with people without telling them that they are infected with herpes... thankfully my baby that i had was healthy an not infected with the herpes. please anyone reading this who may or may not have herpes use protection every time and talk to your partner an tell them if you have it before it gets passed along!!! i feel that that is only fair to do!!!   ***From Your Guide: It's possible that he didn't know he was infected. You can have herpes with no symptoms. This is why testing can be so important in combination with having safe sex***

Don't trust condoms!

I contracted herpes from my husband 11 years ago during our very first sexual encounter even though he was wearing a condom. He told me that he had the virus and I felt such empathy for him. We had been friends for about 5 years and I believed at the time that as long as we used protection that I would be safe. Not true. Somehow the condom came off inside me and 2 days later I was in the most excruciating pain down below. I could never see myself potentially risking someone else's life that way, and even though I didn't see him as my soul mate, I married him. Now we are separated and not only do I not have the nerve to tell another that I have this, I am also unwilling to risk someone's health as I don't believe that there is a 100% safe way to ever have sex again. I am only 43 but I fear I may never have a relationship again. I just don't have the confidence to ever get close to another man and for that I feel so very alone. **From your guide: Condoms are not 100% protective from herpes even if they don't slip, but combined with suppressive therapies and being sensible about when you have sex they can vastly reduce your risk of transmission to a partner. I also highly recommend herpes dating sites for those of you who aren't willing to take the risk of sleeping with an uninfected person even if THEY are willing. Herpes is incredibly common. You can still find someone to love***
—Guest So Discouraged

Scared and Depressed

I met my current boyfriend 5 years ago & we dated for a little while & then distanced. He joined the army & we kept in touch off & on. about a year ago we started talking again & when he went on leave he visited me. we had unprotected sex one drunken night (stupidly). We are dating long distance until he moves near me in a few months. About a month& a half after we had unprotected sex i got pharyngitis, which can be caused by HSV & have since felt ongoing pain near my vulva and found a lesion. in the past 2 days i have felt pelvic pressure, heaviness, & swelling. i got std testing a month ago & they somehow lost my results for hsv but gave me a prescription for acyclovir. my only two previous bfs were virgins. we both love each other so much but im pretty sure he gave me hsv. Idk how to talk to him about it or if i should wait til he gets here. he told me once he's terrified of stds. idt he knows he has it. what should i do? im only in college and im scared and feel worthless. :(
—Guest Needs Advise

I don't know what to do

I was diagnosed with herpes last year around thanksgiving. my boyfriend cheated 3 months before and got herpes from some girl from school. He told me when it happened and we broke up... A month later we got back together and two weeks after we had sex i was having a really serious obs. Went to the doctor she said it was herpes i told him and he said he didn't know and he hasn't had an ob and still hasn't to this very day. Neither has he gone to the doctor. he said hes very busy with school and whats the rush because they can only tell him 1 of 2 things either he has it or he doesn't. so i guess im just scared because i have been having obs like crazy and i'm very stressed and slipping into depression slowly but surely. i have been taking valtrex and the obs go away and then a couple of days later they they just come back again. i cant even concentrate in school so i have failed this semester in almost all of my classes. i just don't know what to do i know i haven't cheated. i need someone.**From your guide: It is completely possible, and even likely, that you were infected by your boyfriend and that he is just lucky enough to not have outbreaks. He should get tested so that he can know his status and act accordingly to try to protect any future partners from infection. I also suggest that you talk to your doctor about stress reduction since stress can make outbreaks both worse and more frequent. It's a vicious cycle, and I hope things get better for you soon. ***
—Guest anonymous

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